The first-ever manual for zombies, swamp monsters, mummies, and vampires to survive the planet's greatest threat: humans. Did you know that human attacks account for a staggering 100% of premature deaths for mummies, robot overlords, and other supernatural, cyber, mutant, and alien beings? The past millennia or so has seen not only an uptick in human attacks, but also increasingly indiscriminate victim selection. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed. How to Survive a Human Attack provides critical information at a critical time with chapters specifically tailored to their target audience, including: * The Zombie's Complete Guide to Filling the Emptiness and Moving Forward * Swamp Monster Makeovers! * Here, Boy! Self-Training Tips for Werewolves * The First-Time Haunter's Guide: How to Evict Squatters, Stay On Top of Mansion Disrepair, and Get to the Light * Chicken Soup for the Soulless: Uninspiring Stories of Demon Possession and Ignored Prayers * No More Meltdowns: A Cyborg Assassin's Workbook for Neutralizing Hostility Using Java * U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Tips for the Urban Sixty-Foot Ape and Other Animals or Insects of Exceptional Proportion (Large Print) * Eat What You Love, Love How You Feel: Hill People and Radioactive Cannibals